Hello, friends! I cannot explain how weird it is to be typing a blog post right now. I haven’t posted anything since October 15th? And that was a pre scheduled post, so the last time I wrote a post was like the first day of October. I didn’t mean to disappear, I just kind of did. So today I am here to try and explain that? And also vow that I want to post things again. I have so many ideas and so many books I want to read and talk about, but I also want to take things slowly and not put any pressure on myself, as I think that was part of the problem.
At this point I don’t know how to get into this, so let’s just start. What happened in my life from October to now? Now available in a fun bullet point list format!
- In October, I quit my job. Looking at that sentence is a lot for me and it reveals a lot about my mental health for me, but I know that isn’t clear to everyone else. The strange thing is, I am still at my job (lol). I quit my job because I was tired of the director of my site, the only person I dealt with on a daily basis. She treated me and the children badly and I had only been staying to act as a buffer between her and the children, which my therapist finally got through my head that that wasn’t fair to me. When I told said coworker I was quitting, she started crying and said that I had made this job so hard for her and that she was quitting in December anyways, and then she quit. It was a mess and made me feel like a really shitty person and I was an emotional mess. I spent almost every night crying and tossing and turning in bed wondering if I was the problem and a bunch of other things. Anyways, it was a mess and it took a major toll on my mental health.
- November and December brought about the first major holidays without my grandmother. It was hard and it was weird and I still feel numb to the idea. I also feel like I haven’t processed the fact that she’s not here and that is something I am trying to work on, which is hard emotionally.
- December brought about my therapist telling me that she thinks I have an undiagnosed disorder that has been affecting me since childhood and is part of the reason I have such high anxiety and sensitivity to pretty much every environment I’m ever in. It is nothing intense or anything, but coming to terms with the fact that it makes a lot of sense and that I’m not just really weird and making things up was a lot.
- Directly off of that last one, I have decided to pursue psychological evaluation for what my therapist thinks I have and a few other things that could have developed because of that and my family history. This has been a big deal of trying to convince my parents and trying to figure out the logistics and how I’ll pay for it and other things.
Obviously, a lot more has happened than that in the past months, but those are the big things I can think of that kept me from blogging. Here are some more fun and lighthearted things that have happened since October:
- My family went to the beach! We did this for Thanksgiving since it was advised that we do something different for the first holiday without my grandmother. It actually ended up being a really good and fun experience for us all, plus we found out that doggo really likes the beach.
- Some fun things happened at work! Especially since I mentioned it above, I wanted to make sure I made it clear that I do love working with these kids and that I do like the opportunities it gives me. In the first picture I am dressed up as Fern from Charlotte’s Web for book character day. The kids didn’t really get who I was, but they liked playing with the stuffed pig and they were all very cute in their costumes. In the second picture I managed to braid shoelaces into my hair for childhood cancer awareness day. There is a kindergartener at the school I work at that is currently fighting cancer and for two days the school went all out to make sure she knows just how much she is supported and it was amazing. Our program actually took a field trip on gold day and the head of the program we were visiting asked why we were all dressed up and hearing the kids tell her why melted my heart.
- We also had a pajama day for Christmas and I cannot share the pictures for obvious reasons, but I want everyone to know that they are adorable and I love each one of those kids with my entire heart.
- I just,,,hung out with family and friends? That doesn’t seem like anything revolutionary and I’m not saying it is, but it was really nice to just chill out with the people I love and I wanted to make note of that here.
- And finally, for some book related content, I started a bookstagram! I have been a lot more active over there recently and I have decided that I really like the medium. I am also always looking for more people to follow, so feel free to send me your username or link whenever! Mine is tomesofourlives over there as well!
Okay, so, I think that’s it for this rambly post? I hope to be back tomorrow or the day after with a wrap up post for 2019, but for now, I’ll leave with this. Thank you to everyone for being patient with me always, I really appreciate it!